How to Start Recovery When You Don’t Know Where to Begin.

Simple First Steps for Anyone Struggling with Addiction.

There is a moment many of us experience before recovery begins.

We know something is wrong.

Maybe we've tried to stop and couldn't. Maybe we've promised ourselves—or someone we love—that this time would be different. Maybe we're tired of lying, hiding, worrying, or waking up wondering what happened the night before.

We may not even be ready to call ourselves an addict.

We just know we don't want to keep living this way.

If that's where you are today, you don't need to have everything figured out.

You just need somewhere to begin.

You Don't Have to Know Whether You're an Addict

One of the things that can keep us from asking for help is the word "addiction."

We compare ourselves to other people.

I'm not as bad as that person.

I still have a job.

I haven't lost my family.

I don't use every day.

I can stop for a few days when I really want to.

Maybe all of those things are true.

But perhaps there is a more useful question:

Is what I'm doing causing problems in my life, and do I continue doing it anyway?

That's a question only you can answer.

Addiction doesn't always begin with losing everything.

Sometimes it begins quietly.

We start organizing our lives around a substance or behavior. We hide things. We make excuses. We break promises to ourselves. We tell ourselves we're going to cut back tomorrow.

Then tomorrow comes.

And somehow, we find ourselves doing the same thing again.

You don't have to wait until you've lost everything before deciding that you've had enough.

Start With Honesty

Recovery often begins with a moment of honesty.

Not honesty with your family.

Not honesty with a counselor.

Not honesty with a sponsor or recovery group.

Honesty with yourself.

Ask yourself:

What is this costing me?

Maybe it's costing you money.

Maybe it's damaging your health.

Maybe your relationships are suffering.

Perhaps you're losing sleep, missing work, hiding things from people you love, or doing things you never imagined yourself doing.

And sometimes the cost is harder to see.

We've lost our peace.

We've lost our self-respect.

We've lost hope.

We've stopped becoming the person we wanted to be.

You don't need to judge yourself for any of this.

Just look at it honestly.

Because we can't change something we're unwilling to see.

Forget About Forever

When someone is frightened about giving up an addiction, one of the first thoughts may be:

How am I supposed to do this for the rest of my life?

Don't.

You don't have to recover for the rest of your life today.

You only have to deal with today.

Sometimes even one day feels too long.

Then deal with this hour.

And if an hour feels impossible, deal with the next five minutes.

There were times in my own recovery when thinking about forever would be overwhelming. Recovery became much more manageable when I stopped trying to solve the rest of my life and started dealing with what was directly in front of me.

That's the meaning behind one of recovery's simplest ideas:

One day at a time.

It isn't just a slogan.

It's a practical way of turning something that seems impossible into something we might actually be able to do.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

Addiction thrives in isolation.

We hide what we're doing.

We hide how much we're doing.

We hide how we're feeling.

Eventually, we may even begin hiding from ourselves.

Recovery moves in the opposite direction.

We begin letting people in.

That might mean attending a recovery meeting.

It might mean talking with a sponsor.

It could mean speaking with a counselor, doctor, spiritual advisor, trusted friend, or family member.

It may begin by reading about recovery privately and answering some questions honestly in a workbook.

There isn't only one doorway into recovery.

What matters is that we stop trying to fight the entire battle alone.

There is strength in being able to say:

I need some help.

Learn About Your Addiction

One of the things that helped me was learning that addiction isn't simply a matter of being weak or lacking character.

If willpower alone solved addiction, most of us would have stopped the first time we sincerely promised ourselves that we would never do it again.

But we didn't.

That's worth understanding.

Cravings, habits, emotions, environment, stress, relationships, loneliness, fear, anger, shame, and many other things can become part of the addictive cycle.

Begin paying attention to yours.

When do you struggle the most?

Is it when you're lonely?

Angry?

Tired?

Stressed?

Bored?

After an argument?

When you have money?

When you're around certain people?

When you're alone?

Understanding those patterns doesn't excuse our behavior.

It gives us information we can use to change it.

Learn to Recognize a Craving

A craving can feel like a command.

It isn't.

It's a feeling.

A very powerful feeling sometimes—but still a feeling.

Cravings rise and fall.

We don't have to act on every thought that enters our minds.

When a craving comes, try creating some space between the thought and the action.

Stop.

Recognize what's happening.

Take a few slow breaths.

Change your surroundings if possible.

Call someone.

Take a walk.

Write down what you're feeling.

Do something that interrupts the automatic pattern.

The goal isn't necessarily to make the craving disappear instantly.

The goal is to avoid automatically obeying it.

Every time we do that, we begin learning something important:

A craving can pass without us acting on it.

Take a Look at the 12 Steps

You may have heard about the Twelve Steps and wondered what they have to do with addiction.

At their heart, the Steps are a process for change.

They ask us to recognize that our old solutions aren't working, become willing to accept help, take an honest look at ourselves, repair damage where possible, develop a spiritual life, and eventually help others.

You don't have to understand all Twelve Steps before beginning.

You certainly don't have to work all twelve today.

Start with the first one.

Ask yourself:

Has this behavior become something I can no longer reliably control, and has it made some part of my life unmanageable?

Don't worry about finding the perfect answer.

Write down the honest one.

That's a beginning.

Put Your Recovery on Paper

There is something powerful about writing.

Thoughts move quickly through our minds. We rationalize. We minimize. We forget.

Writing slows everything down.

Try answering these questions:

What brought me to the point where I'm considering recovery?

What have I tried before?

What happens when I try to control or stop my behavior?

How has this affected the people I love?

How has it affected me?

What am I afraid will happen if I don't change?

What could my life look like if I did change?

You don't need to show your answers to anyone.

Just be honest.

Sometimes seeing our own words on a page allows us to recognize something we've been avoiding for a very long time.

Don't Let Shame Convince You That You Can't Recover

Many of us arrive in recovery carrying things we regret.

We've lied.

We've hurt people.

We've disappointed people who trusted us.

We've disappointed ourselves.

And shame tells us:

Look at what you've done. You'll never change.

Recovery asks a different question:

What are you willing to do today?

We cannot change yesterday.

But we can learn from it.

Eventually, recovery may ask us to take responsibility, make amends where appropriate, and change our behavior.

But we don't have to repair our entire past before we're allowed to begin building a different future.

We begin where we are.

What If I've Tried Recovery Before?

Then you already know something about recovery that you didn't know the first time.

Maybe you had six months.

Maybe six years.

Maybe six days.

Maybe you went to treatment, attended meetings, worked some of the Steps, or promised yourself repeatedly that you were finished.

And then you went back.

That doesn't mean there is nothing left to try.

Instead of asking:

Why did I fail?

Try asking:

What happened, and what can I learn from it?

What changed before you returned to the addiction?

What warning signs did you miss?

Did you become isolated?

Did you stop doing things that had been helping?

Was there an emotional situation you weren't prepared to handle?

Did you convince yourself that you could control it this time?

Those answers aren't proof that recovery doesn't work.

They may be clues about what needs to be different this time.

Recovery Is More Than Stopping

At first, recovery may seem to have one objective:

Stop.

Stop drinking.

Stop using.

Stop gambling.

Stop overeating.

Stop smoking.

Stop the compulsive behavior.

That's certainly important.

But eventually another question appears:

What am I going to do with the life I'm getting back?

That's where recovery begins becoming something more.

We learn how to deal with anger without escaping from it.

We learn how to experience fear without allowing it to control us.

We learn how to make mistakes without believing we're failures.

We learn how to repair relationships.

We learn how to ask for help.

We begin developing a relationship with a Higher Power of our own understanding.

And eventually, we may discover that helping someone else gives meaning to some of what we've been through.

Recovery isn't simply about removing something from our lives.

It's about building something in its place.

Your First Steps Can Be Small

If you're wondering where to begin, don't create a list of fifty things you need to change.

Choose a few simple actions.

Don't act on the addiction today.

Tell someone the truth.

Learn something about recovery.

Write down what brought you here.

Ask for help.

Read about the first Step.

Go to a meeting if you think it could help.

Talk with someone who understands addiction.

And tomorrow, do it again.

Small actions repeated over time can create enormous change.

You Are Allowed to Have Hope

If addiction has been part of your life for a long time, imagining a different life can be difficult.

That's understandable.

You may have promised yourself before.

Other people may have stopped believing you.

You may have stopped believing yourself.

You don't have to manufacture enormous confidence today.

You only need enough hope to try something different.

I've learned that recovery doesn't usually happen because someone suddenly becomes stronger than addiction.

It happens because we become willing to change.

Willing to ask for help.

Willing to look honestly at ourselves.

Willing to learn from our mistakes.

And willing to try again when things don't go perfectly.

Start Where You Are

You don't need to become a different person before you begin recovery.

Recovery is part of how we become different.

Start with the person you are today.

With your mistakes.

Your fears.

Your questions.

Your doubts.

And whatever hope you still have.

You don't have to see the entire road ahead.

Sometimes we only need enough light to see the next step.

Take that step.

Then take another.

One day at a time.

A Guiding Light for Your Recovery

A Guiding Light was created to provide practical resources for people seeking recovery and for those who want to continue growing in recovery.

Our 12-Step workbooks, recovery journals, reflections, videos, and other resources are designed to help you slow down, ask yourself meaningful questions, and put the principles of recovery into practice.

You don't need all the answers before you begin.

You just need a place to start.

And if you're reading this because something inside you is telling you that your life needs to change, perhaps you've already taken your first step.

Wishing you strength, hope and recovery.